Now then. Tuesday once more, back to normality after a drunken strop (can't apologise enough!!!), and ready for action once more. You have me assurance - This one will be the best one ever. (Unless your name is Lee Birmingham!). Hope you're all well. Here's yer block. Ride it sideways!!

One new arrival this week, and that is Sarah Noot, who slyly appeared on friendsreunited without letting me know! Sarah won't be able to make the reunion as she is gannin' round the world (Me in the suitcase hopefully), but she's in the list. Ello Sarah. May yer inbox ne'er be the same.

And, just to give them all credit, to the people that sent messages of encouragement after me dodgy block on Saturday, i say "CHEERS, FANKS, NICE 1". You're all diamonds! That is Katie Baron, Lee Birmingham, Jason Littlewood, Emma Fewster, Paul Scholey, Nick Bourne, Anna Wain, Kelly Janski (see later), Kath Wildman, Simon Donovan, Tim Short, Fraser Sugden, Simeon LeGras, Jo Armitage, James Hargrave, Sarah Williams, Nicola Rooze, Mark Pollard, Richard Brookes, Joe Yeadon, Kiff, Ian Rafferty, Hannah Brian and Colin Powell. Phew! Your moment of fame. NO further mention of THAT mail, not from me anyway!

Sarah, and also Lucie Roberts, the latest to appear at the HCSYC section on friendsreunited. Add your stuff and spread its girth. Could do with some more piccies, i'm bored of the old ones in there now except the Claudia one. Mail me your JPEG'S! I am still scannerless, so it is e mail only please. No p*rn*graphy! (unless you're fit)

Footie. England through - Whoopeedoo. Someone shoul have told Becks not to wear his slippers though. Scotland got Holland in the playoffs. (Dave sniggers in Ross's direction). Town on a roll, 5 in a row i do believe having seen off Torquay on Saturday. Bradford losing nicely as i type, adding to Saturdays miserable defeat. (Dave sniggers in the direction of Bradford). PRAYERS please for Leeds this Saturday. We play Man Utd, and i have a bet on it with Simeon. Bet it's Leeds 7 Man U 0. ( I Will probably wake up shortly after).

don't forget Jon's excellent website www.hcsyc.co.uk which is there for your perusal. Stick yer name in the guestbook! Extend its length so it's bigger than Dirk Diggler.

Anyone think a buffet at the reunion is a good idea? Let me know. Only asking 'cos we had one at our school reunion (another successful Weasel organisation!) and 5 people out of nearlly 100 ate it. We were all too excited to scoff. (except me. I put 3 STONE on that night)

When you empty "trash" in your e mail account, where the &**$ does it go??

I was just about to take the 6 pack of Budweiser i bought back to the Co - Op tonight, 'cos it is out of date. Then i noticed it has a "born on" date on the side. That's what i'd been looking at. What a d*ckh*ad am I?

Thanx to Emma McNeil this week for some kind words and help with Alex Moran, also to Lucy Arnold and Karen Beardsell for their words (they were sent BEFORE i had me Saturday beer jacket on)

Remember when i said "Ever done something you regret when drunk?" Simeon LeGras certainly has. This Saturday. Bidding starts at a pound. Highest bidder finds out what it was he did. An absolute beauty.

Poor old Rachel Hardy. Can't remember which choir she sings with, but they STILL sing "Schneeewalter". Eternal torture.

Kiddie quote. My youngest, Emily, said the other day, in ALL seriousness, "When the gerbils die, daddy, can we have a zebra?". Bless 'em.

Film / Tv - That Mondeo ad with Tom and Jerry is supreme. Nuff said. Taping Black Hawk Down tonight, in fact, if you get this before 10 and have Sky it is on Sky Movies at 10. Dont miss it. Dont forget to read me block mail first though!

Ok, ok. shut up ranting Dave.... ENUFF of that. MORE of this...

THIS WEEKS SOS

MALE = Debaunkon Pal. the geezer with THE best first name in the country is still AWOL. Bet he's a doctor. Anyone know where he is or where his folks are hiding? Let me know - His sister Pamela was in the choir too.

FEMALE = Emma Paige. Violin touting Emma was wicked, in fact me and her used to write to each other, even though we only lived 4 miles apart. Weird. However, Emma of the strange eyebrows and excellent fiddling is still missing. Know where she is or where her gaff is? Let me know!

USELESS FACTS OF OUR TIME. PART 17.

Katie Baron has got an extra rib which she can remove and use as a toothpick whenever she needs one. She also used it as a boomerang on a recent visit to Ayers Rock, and promptly knocked 2 local aborigines out cold with it.

MEMORY OF THE WEEK

Can anyone remember that excellent time when David Hartley said something interesting AND amusing to us all? Nah, didn't think so. Neither can I.

PERSON OF THE WEEK

In 2nd place is Sarah Williams for a fine piece of literature yesterday, but Kelly Janski gets this weeks gong for mailing me with positive stuff but ALSO suggesting that mailing everyone, when drunk, at 3am, was NOT such a good idea, and other words of similar stature. I was impressed with this, and promptly mailed my apology out to y'all! Hence, the gong is Kelly's. Charge yer glasses, raise yer ass*s, and f*rt loudly in honour of this supreme race of female!

10 DODGY CHOIR RELATIONSHIPS. PART 17.

Malcolm Fewster. And his Pitchfork.

Country bumpkin Malcolm, who is a top man by the way, followed his dads footsteps into farming. He took his pitchfork with him, and the pair were INSEPARABLE. Dating a pitchfork DID have its advantages - It didn't answer back, was cheap, and doubled up as a weapon if anyone gave Malcolm any sh*t. Sadly, Malcolm got a Combine Harvester. And the Fork died of a broken heart. (background Violins are being played by Emma Paige)

ANAGRAM OF THE WEEK.

"MISS PAMELA PAL" / Ma's lamp is pale

SONGS WE SANG. AND WHO THEY WERE REALLY WRITTEN FOR. 7.

This one was actually written for Jonathan LeGras and Paul Bamford when they stumbled out of a pub in Portsmouth before boarding the ferry to the Isle of Wight. They spotted what theythought was 3 great boats, when actually, just the one HMS Victory stood before them. THE classic line = "i schaw t-three ssshipsh come ssccchailing iiiin, at four o schlock insh the morning"

POETRY CORNER

Lee Birmingham. This is your life, my son.

Lee B, Lee B, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
With Pints of ale, and pork pies stale.
And whisky shots, all in a row.

Baa Baa, Lee B - Have you any beer?
Yes sir, yes sir, its right here.
One for the morning, and one for the day.
And 27 other pints to drink along the way.

Lee B could eat no tea.
His wife could drink no wine.
And so, when it was mealtime,
they got on f***ing fine!

Twinkle twinkle, little Lee.
How i wonder whats for tea.
Up above my plate of grub,
Then 10 pints in't local pub.
Twinkle, twinkle, Little Lee.
How i wonder whats for tea.

Oh, the grand old duke of Lee
He had 10,000 birds
He marched them up to the end of his bed
And he never minced his words.
And when they were on, they were on.
And when they were in, they were in.
And when he was only halfway up, he was neither out nor in.

Sing a song of sixpence, Lee's feeling flabbergasted.
Ickle Ruthy Bradley says he's promiscuous b*stard!
When they were together, Lee was such a cad
So Ruthy kicked him in his n*ts, which made him feel quite bad.

I thank you. do NOT read these to yer kids at bedtime.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

"alexanders Ragtime Band" is the most publically performed Youth Choir song, with 16 performances. No - one got it - Shame on you! This week. What were the names of the two spin-off groups formed in the Eighties from Duran Duran? 1st in gets a stool, a quarter of midget gems with no green ones (cos i love 'em) and a catflap. There is a bonus prize of a Rottweiler for the first to tell me the lead vocalist in each band. Good luck.

TOP 10 WORSE SONGS FROM THE YOUTH CHOIR REPERTOIRE. Number 4.

"Captain Noah and his floating Zoo"

Quite how the ark stayed afloat with all the bullsh*t floating around was anyones guess. They might have gone IN 2 by 2, but the beasts came on stretchers, crutches, or dead after hearing this one. In fact, the Dodo became extinct as a result of this awful piece of "music"

DISH OF THE WEEK.

Hope you're hungry. As a starter, the chef is serving the delights of "these are the days of our lives" by Queen, quality stuff and VERY sad if you see the state of Freddie in the video. Your main course tonight is the lip smacking "Johnny come home" by Fine young Cannibals. It's finger lickin' goooood. Dessert takes the form of the sumptuous "Safe from harm" by MAssive Attack. Wash the job lot down with a wine of "iris" by Goo Goo Dolls (From a wonderful film called "City of Angels"), and, if you've room in yer gullets, coffee is being served in the form of "boxerbeat" by Joboxers. Bet y'dont remember it! Tonights Wildman offering is the fantastic "we come 1" by Faithless - One of the worlds finest bands, if not THE finest. Please enjoy your meals. b*rp!

JOKE OF THE WEEK.

Another Simeon LeGras masterpiece, although his Sunday morning antics are as good as this. "An eskimo is on holiday in Wales, and his car breaks down. A Welshman looks under the bonnet and says to the eskimo "You've blown a seal". The eskimo retorts and says to the Welshman "so WHAT? You lot sh*g SHEEP!". yo ho ho

HANDY HINTS.

An empty aluminium cigar tube, filled with angry wasps, makes an inexpensive v*brator.

(be sure to put the lid on though)

PETER KAYE ONE - LINERS

"A seal walks into a club..."

Okies, nearlly done. Send me your pics, contacts, reunion ideas, stuff for this mail and anything else - Nothing is too much for me! I am on every night as you know. Look after yerselves, enjoy the Leeds home win on Saturday. Oh, and by the way, don't bother going to see "Finding Nemo" - I found him myself this weekend, somewhere in Huddersfield covered market. See attachment for details.

Adios!

Dave