Now then. Tuesday returns, and so do I. I've had a cracking weekend and i'm in a completely daft mood, so i promise to make this a good 'un. Hope you're all well. Here's yer block. Stuff it!

CHARLTON 0 LEEDS 1. Blimey. Seems like about 7 weeks since we got a win before this Saturday (thats probably 'cos it WAS). Chelsea 1 Man Utd 0 widened my smile further. By the time i found out Town couldn't even beat Cheltenham, i was the proverbial Cheshire Cat. Excellent Fireworks display at Wolves aswell.

Committee peeps. you know who you are - Lets meet up before xmas and get the ball rolling with regard to a date and venue. Let me know - Don't mind where we meet as long as it has a bar. If not, Nigels it is then - He works for the co - op remember.

Youth Choir Section / www.hcsyc.co.uk - Add your stuff if / when you can, it's always good to see new names etc in there. Don't forget to use f11 if you can't see the whole home page at the website. Talking of the website, Ross Murray has added his details to the Guestbook - cheers Ross. Someone has put something rather insultive about him under his notes. If it is a tongue - in - cheek dig at Ross, PLEASE add your name. If it isn't tongue in cheek, then it's rather sad.

D*ckhead me texted Kath Widman at about midnight sometime last week to tell her the excellent "Searching for my Rizla" was on MTV base. A/ She was asleep B/ I forgot to mention the song in the text C/ I was so drunk that by the time i had sent the text and corrected numerous errors, the song had finished anyway. DOH.

I know a geezer who runs a Karaoke thingy so if we DO get it at the reunion, it'll be no problem setting up. Bags i get to duet with Lynn Cartwright. And Vanessa Reynolds.

And Sally Millinship.

DRUNKEN BURGER ACCIDENT. Last night, i was drunk (again) and decided i MUST have burgers. Turned one over in the frying pan and it sent an almighty jet of hot fat onto my favourite top. Then, while cleaning up round the hob, i "forgot" the rack would be hot and promptly picked it up. Decided i'm gonna GRILL the b******s next time.

Simon Donovan, not content with being in the Strawberry Thieves, has formed a new band with his Aunty Jane's new husband. They're calling themselves Simon and Half-Uncle.

INTERNET FUN. There is a site devoted to TOAST LEANING. Cheers Tim. Don't believe me? then check out http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/toast/

Alternatively, an amusing beer song (fellas in particular can relate to it) can be found at http://fun.drno.de/flash/beer.swf

Enjoy!

KIDDIE QUOTE. Danielle "If you walk backwards up a hill it'll feel like you're going down it". QUOTE OF THE YEAR WAS THIS ONE - Me "Emily, do you want any beans?"... Emily "NO"... Me "No WHAT, Emily?".... Emily "no BEANS". My oh my

FILM / TV. Terminator 3 is supreme, but not as good as the 2nd. Don't miss it though - It is wide open for number 4! Dippy Alexa on Millionaire on Saturday was ace, used all lifelines by £1000, guessed several. Went home with £64,000. Bowie on Parkinson also amusing. (Parkinson "Your father sounds like a remarkable man". Bowie "Well not now, he's dead")

Ok, ok, shut up Dave. Let the fun begin.

SOS OF THE WEEK

MALE = Howard Billington. A founder member i do believe. I once saw Howard in town and said "Hello Howard" and got a strange look. No wonder - It was Laurence Townsend i'd said hello to. Know where he is? Let me know.

FEMALE = Gillian Salter. I have vague memories of this girl, and none of them are rude. Apparently her hubby is called Mr Pepperer. Know where she is or where her gaff is? Let me know.

USELESS FACTS OF OUR TIME. PART 24.

Adam Bassindale once cloned his hamster. And his Goldfish can dance the "funky chicken" if he plays Aswad in his kitchen. Whilst eating a Curly Wurly. On a Friday.

(In France)

PERSON OF THE WEEK

Ross Murray gets this weeks gong for mailing me last night and admitting he hasn't checked his mails since October! Hence, 251 mails to check through (won't tell you what he said about them). He ALSO gets the gong for being the man that introduced me to the band that made one of THE best LP's of all time, IE Arrested Development's "3 years, 5 months and 2 days in the life of..." which i played for the umteen zillionth time today. Raise yer flutes and gargle the words to "Scotland the brave" in honour of the worlds finest Jock.

MEMORY OF THE WEEK

We once wrote the word "kn*b" backwards in Tippex on Anthony Jacques's chair so that when he stood up, his a*se had the word on it. The right way round.

10 DODGY CHOIR RELATIONSHIPS. PART 24.

Yan Tordoff. And his haircut.

Yan was never far away from a dodgy barnet, and it was usually the one sat on the top of his bonce. People often mistook him for Chris Waddle and, later, the blonde one from Pat and Mick. Yan finally split from his dodgy mullet when nature took its course and it was replaced by a large spread of shiny skin.

ANAGRAM OF THE WEEK

"CLAUDIA WEST COULDNT DO GYMNASTICS" / Giddy Councilwoman tasted Cutlass

(STILL no Claudia, more's the pity. HELP!)

SONGS WE SANG. AND WHO THEY WERE REALLY WRITTEN FOR. PART 14

"Getting to be a habit with me"

this one was all about ex-Eastender Daniella Westbrook, and her rising Coke habit. THE classic line "i once had lots of famous parts, but now my drugs have wrecked 'em. I snort each day in fits and starts - And i haven't got a Septum"

POETRY CORNER.

JJ. In you come my son.

"my name is Mr JJ, but you can call me Andy.
I like to be a DJ, and i get too p*ssed on Brandy.
I've got a dodgy barnet, which i comb towards the sky.
Am i still single? DARN IT! I really know now why.

JJ is my name, you know - You'll see me oft in Town.
I'm excellent, i'll steal the show.
And i sing JUST like James Brown.

(i thank you)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Paul young was the member of Streetband, first number one "Wherever i lay my hat (thats my home). 1st and only one in on both was Tim Short. Top banana! This week = Who is the only person in chart history to have number 1's as a solo artist and part of a duo, trio, quartet and septet ASWELL as a Charity ensemble? 1st in gets my cat, a bottle of Gerbil Essence and a week in the Costa Del Cleveleys. There is a bonus prize of a wonky Marrow for the first to NAME the duo, trio, quarter, quintet and Charity Ensemble. Bet no - one gets it. Good luck!

NAME THE LYRIC

Last weeks answer, which i THOUGHT would stump all of you, DIDN'T. F**K. the answer was "Superwoman" by Karyn White, one of me all time favourite songs. Guess who got it? Yip. Tim Short. Wibbles! See if you can beat Tim this week. Dodgy lyrics from 1984. "Theres a new game we like to play you see - A game with added reality. You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees..." First in gets a dog lead. Good luck!

DISH OF THE WEEK

Excellent stuff this week. As a starter, the chef is serving the delights of "rush hour" by Jane wiedlin, a marvellous 80s dish. your main course this week is the exceptional "don't walk away" by Jade, so good that i actually named my youngest daughter after it (Emily dont walk away Kennedy). Emily Jade really... Soothe yerself with a spread of "50/50" by Lemar, the song which proves something good CAN come out of Pop Idol and he didn't even WIN it! Wine this week is in the form of "Zoom" by Fat Larrys Band, and you can wash THAT down with the coffee which is being served in me socks and is called "rat in mi kitchen" by UB40. This weeks Wildman offering is the wicked "Injected with a poison" by Praga Khan (also about Daniella Westbrook). Please enjoy yer meals.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

It's rude. It's not one of mine. Honest. A geezer is on a plane and catches sight of a nice looking blonde in the opposite aisle. He sidles up to her and says "hey sweetie, whats in the magazine you're reading?". She looks up and replies "oh, it is a FASCINATING piece about w*lly sizes. Apparently, Polish men have the WIDEST w*llies and the American men have the LONGEST". She pauses and then says "Sorry, i didn't catch your name". The geezer replies "my name? It's Tonto Koalski". Yo ho ho!

HANDY HINTS

Never buy a portable TV from a geezer in the street who is out of breath

PETER KAY ONE-LINERS

"It's called a bungalow because when they built the first one they said "bung a low roof on it""

Okies, thats yer lot for this week. Committee lot, drop me a swiftie. Stick yer stuff in the YC section and the website. STOP insulting Ross! Send me your all and everything especially stuff for this mail, and ESPECIALLY contacts for anyone. Still welcoming pics for the website and YC section - GIFs and JPEGs only please! Have a top week and kneel in the direction of Elland Road at 2.55pm on Saturday please - We got Chelsea.

Look after yerselves!

Adios

Dave